Meet Jacqueline Hellyer
One of the world's foremost authorities on sex and relationships
Highly-qualified with thousands of hours of clinical relationship and sex coaching experience, Jacqueline has spent nearly 20 years coaching people through tough times to get their love life back into shape.
Jacqueline’s mantra for her global brand, LOVELIFE is ‘What’s life without love?’ and it sums up her attitude to love, sex and relationships.
I'll let you into a secret: you can have children and still have a great sex life.
You may find this hard to believe, because unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be the norm.
But it’s true! I know, because I’m a mum of three and I’ve had good sex all the way through.
In fact, it was what led me to change career and become a Sex Therapist and Relationship Coach. Now, not only do I know this is possible from my own experience, I’ve also helped countless couples create a positive sex life in their own lives - despite the kids!
Is sex the furthest thing from your mind?
I know how hard and exhausting life is with kids.
I know the challenges of changing roles and relationships between the parents.
And I know how sex can start to seem irrelevant, too tiring and just not worth the effort.
Your sex life is absolutely worth the effort.
“It’s the most important part of who we are, it is the search for happiness and we should stop at nothing to find it”
“Sex is a deeply soulful experience that adds depth and meaning to your life”
This isn’t about hard work. Follow my simple tips and you can do this!
Don’t worry, I’m not talking about more work, I know you’ve got enough on your plate!
In fact, if you follow the advice in this book, you’ll find, paradoxically, that your load is lightened and life is easier.
You’ll be doing less, taking life more gently, letting life flow and welcoming a long-lost sense of horniness to boot!
A healthy sex life is a good thing. It’s actually a necessary thing too.
It’s good for bonding as a couple, it’s relaxing and energising, it helps you feel good about yourself, and I would go further and say that sex is a deeply soulful experience that adds depth and meaning to your life.
And with my help you’ll be going in the right direction in no time at all!
If you fall out of the habit now it can have long lasting consequences.
Good sex in a relationship creates a feedback loop that strengthens the relationship and makes the sex better.
This good sex then strengthens the relationship even more and makes the sex even better, which in turn strengthens the relationship, and so on… Do you see what I’m getting at?
If you’ve found that your sex life has waned or petered out since the kids came along, you will have to apply yourselves to get that feedback loop happening.
Because if you fall out of the habit, it can be very hard to ever get it back.
"Given the other stresses you’re facing as a parent, you could do without this one."
No-one tells you how your sex life will change after you have children.
It’s not mentioned at birth preparation classes. All the baby books have to say is something discrete and vague along the lines of sex “might be an issue for a while”.
And other than some general exhortations to “talk about how you feel”, there isn’t a great deal of information shared at all.
So it can be a huge shock when your sex life does drop off, as it inevitably does in the early stage of parenthood.
It can cause worry and stress and set up a pattern for an on-going poor sex life.
After all, sex is supposed to be an enjoyable thing, isn’t it? - something that bonds you and brings you closer, not something that causes rifts.
Until now you’ve been left to fend for yourselves because there hasn’t been frank information available on why sex might be an issue, how long this will last, what your options are, how the sex issue changes over time, and most importantly – what to do about it.
In the first section we’ll look at the three phases of your sex life after you become parents, from the almost-non-existent first phase through to the potentially-better-than-ever third phase.
If you’re in the first phase now, and believe me I’ve been there too, you’ll not even be thinking about sex, you’re probably saying,
“Don’t even talk to me about sex, I’m exhausted!”
But believe me it will pass and you have to hang in there. It’s important that you go through these phases because if you don’t you could end up in a habitual routine of no sex and no connection that’s even harder to get past.
Don’t worry, there’s no rush to any of this. These phases are natural, you just have to be aware of them and let them happen naturally.
"I’ll take you through this step by step to make sure you’re receptive to the changes that you can make around you as time passes."
We’ll then discuss how to have sex when you become parents. How do you actually do it when the house is constantly going crazy with kids?
There always seems to be so much to do for the kids, toys in your bed, kids in your bed, cleaning to be done, nappies to change. Where in all of this do you find time for sex?
These sorts of changes that come with parenthood could be the death knell of your sex life, and often are. But they don’t have to be.
If you anticipate reasonably accurately and accept positively, you’ll be able to adapt effectively.
“I’ll give you all the tips and advice you need to find time and energy for sex - without the kids noticing!"
I’ll show you how to:
- Distract the kids to sneak moments for sex
- Make love when you’re absolutely exhausted.
- Make the most of each of the three phases of sex as parents
- To plan a bit and make the most of opportunities.
And so much more!
The main reasons I hear why parents’ sex lives wane are:
They’re too tired to have sex, or even to be interested in sex
They’re too busy, frazzled, flustered or frenetic
They’re not feeling good about themselves
They’re not getting on with their partner
I’d also add a general listlessness about life, a lack of spark.
None of those reasons is specifically about sex, they’re about life.
So we’re not just going to look at your sex life, because you won’t fix that until you sort out the rest of your life.
"Do all this and you’ll put that spark back into your life, you’ll build up your love of life."
So the third part of the book looks at how to be up to having sex when you become parents.
This will address the fundamental issues of why people find it hard to have a good sex life once they become parents:
Issues such as boosting energy, creating support, ditching the angst, chilling out, and of course, getting on together.
Because you’ve got to love life to have a great love life.
And the good news is that you can actually use your parental role to boost your love of life.
All the good things about being a parent – the love, the play, the fun, the laughter, the joy – can increase your love of life and so increase your love life.
Kids demand a lot of energy, but they also give a lot of energy.
Believe me it is possible & it can be even better than before.
It’s all good, practical stuff. There’s also some philosophical stuff, and somespiritual stuff, and there’s definitely romantic stuff too.
First of all you need to know that is possible to have a good sex life after kids.
You mightn’t believe all this right now, but hang in there. You can do it, and do it better than ever before.