The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!


On Being A Human in a Female Body

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, February 02, 2020



At my last Couples Retreat in Bali I made the comment to some participants that I don't feel like a woman, I feel like a human in a female body. The shocked reaction came back: "But you're so womanly, you're gorgeous, the epitome of being female, a veritable goddess!"

Which I have to say was definitely very flattering, if a little excessive!

But actually I believe the reason I come across as so "womanly" is that I have balanced my yin and yang, my masculine and feminine, within myself. I simply feel 'human' and then I inhabit a female body. And I have to say I love having a female body! But you know, if I had a male body, I'm not sure I'd feel that different, and I'm sure I'd love having a male body. Because being human and having a body is a pretty cool thing when you think about it. Miraculous actually. read more...



Get A Life! Your Sex Drive Needs the Dopamine

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, January 26, 2020



The neurotransmitter dopamine makes us feel good and positive and upbeat. When we have healthy levels of dopamine we have a positive outlook on life and have energy and motivation - and a better sex drive!

When dopamine levels are low we feel sluggish and down, the world is grey and everything is an effort - including sex.

To increase your sexual desire you need to do things that increase your dopamine levels. read more...



Q&A: My Husband Is Having An Affair and I'm Relieved

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, January 19, 2020



From my column in Body+Soul


Question
: "I’ve recently discovered my husband is having an affair. But I’m not upset about it – I’m glad. Glad because I haven’t fancied my husband for years, and this affair means the pressure to have sex has ended. Our love life was good at the start. Three children later though, and the chemistry just isn’t there.

Why don’t I leave him? I like our life together. He makes me laugh, he’s kind, and brilliant with our kids. We live in a nice house and have a buzzing social life. I don’t see why I need to end a perfectly good marriage just because I don’t find him sexually attractive. And I’m not prepared to wreck all our lives for the sake of his bit on the side.

I do feel uneasy though. I’m worried that he might admit his affair (and I’d have no idea how to react), or even worse, fall in love and want to leave the marriage himself.  So, what’s my best move here – do I keep looking the other way? Or do I talk to him and work out a new ‘arrangement’ that keeps our marriage solid but our sex lives separate?"

 read more...



Stocking Up Your Love Larder - the key to spontaneous sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, January 05, 2020



Good sex is like good food. If you want a good meal, you've got two choices.

1) Plan in advance: set a date, go through the recipe books, do the shopping, set time aside for the cooking, start work in a clean kitchen, enjoy the process of cooking, lay a beautiful table, plate the food up well - then you have an amazing meal.

Or, if you want a more ‘spontaneous’ good meal:

2) Have a well-stocked kitchen: plenty of good ingredients in the larder and all the right implements in the cupboards, plus have plenty of practice at throwing things together - then you grab all the right elements to put an amazing meal together at short notice.

It’s the same with sex. If you want a really good encounter you can:
 read more...



Q&A: How Do I Flex My New Found Interest in Sex?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, December 22, 2019



From my column in Body+Soul


Question: "
I want to reinvent my sex life in 2020, really take it by the balls, so to speak. I’m married and in my mid 30s. My husband is a good lover but until recently I’ve been quite conservative in the bedroom, so it’s not like I've asked much of him! We don’t have kids yet and I’d love to get a bit wild with him before that all happens. This new desire started when we discovered a fantastic vibrator that gave me firework orgasms, and now I’m thinking about what else I’m missing out on. How do I flex my newfound interest in sex?"  read more...



Intercourse as Foreplay

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, December 15, 2019



Foreplay is generally seen as what you do before you get to intercourse, to prepare yourselves (especially the woman) to be ready to receive “penetration” by the man. Intercourse is seen as a vigorous activity consisting of the man thrusting into the woman, or less frequently, the woman bouncing around on the man.

 read more...



Q&A: Fun in the Sun - How to Have Safe Holiday Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, December 08, 2019



From my column in Body+Soul

Question:
"I’m single for the first time in 10 years. I’m over the heartbreak, and now I’m ready to have some fun – specifically, some fun on holiday. I’m going with some other single friends to a resort in Bali this summer. But I’m also prone to UTIs in summer, and I’m desperate to make sure that doesn’t happen on holiday and ruin my good time. What can I do to protect myself? And what are the other golden rules for healthy holiday sex?"  read more...



Bake Your Cake Before You Ice It - the foundation of great sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, December 01, 2019

 Photo by Jill Wellington from Pexels

I love using food metaphors
when educating and inspiring people around sexuality. We understand the variety, the flavours, the processes and ingredients – from simple to complex - when it comes to food. So, it is with sex too.

One of my most important food analogies is that great sex is non-linear, more like a picnic than a three-course meal. More recently I wrote about ‘relationship vitamins’, all the little things that are needed to make a relationship strong and healthy and sexy.

Today I’d like to use the metaphor of a cake and icing (frosting for my North American readers). Icing is sweet and delicious, but on its own, it’s too sweet and is sickly rather than tasty. Icing is only good when it’s on a cake. When you have a delicious cake, and then you ice it – mmm, yummy scrummy! read more...



Q&A: Is It Normal to Want Sex Twice A Day?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, November 24, 2019



From my column in Body+Soul

Question: "Hoping you can shed some light. Two months ago I decided to end a wonderful relationship, due to my partner's desire to have sex twice a day. He told me this is normal for him, and that he had it like that in his last two long-term relationships. It all came to a head when he told me he wasn’t ready for us to live together and be defacto. I felt I was being sexually used, and called it quits. But we still love one another and talk regularly and have huge chemistry between us. Can you help me? Is it normal in your 50s to be wanting sex twice a day, and how can we find a compromise?"  read more...



How Has Sex Helped You Grow - Research Participants Wanted!

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, November 17, 2019



I’ve just received final approval for my research project – hooray- and now I need couples to be my research participants.

The fancy, academic title for my research is:

The transformative potential of optimal sexuality within a relational context.


What this means in everyday language is:

Does having a great sex life develop you as a couple and as individuals, and if so, howread more...



1 2 3 4 5 .. 30

lovelife rss feed Subscribe to the Blog Feed


Listen to the audio version - the LoveLife Podcast!



Search

Recent Posts

 

Earlier Posts



Tags



Subscribe

to LOVELIFE News for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!



For more great sex advice -
read my books!